Trump Presidency Foretold in Revelations, Says Pastor

He is Beast From Out of the Earth; Melania is Whore of Babylon

The alt-right/evangelical Christian backlash against the Trump presidency intensified today with a press conference held by Milo John Littlechicken, spokesperson for Christians For Jesus, a Texas-based Christian PAC. Littlechicken asserted that Trump is the False Prophet, the “beast from out of the earth” prophesied in the Book of Revelations and identified with the coming of the Anti-Christ. One of two beasts named in Revelations, the beast from the earth can be recognized by two lamb’s horns sprouting from his head. Littlechicken believes the two odd tufts of hair seen on either side of Trump’s head are intended to disguise his horns. He has also determined that the name Donald Melania Trump contains 18 letters; 18 is the sum of the numerical sequence 666, long recognized as the symbol of the Anti-Christ. He further claims to have strong evidence that Melania Trump is the Mother of Harlots, the infamous Whore of Babylon. He notes that her native Slovenia “isn’t all that far from Babylon”.

Littlechicken believes Trump’s ascendency will be accompanied by unspeakable suffering by all humankind, but he will ultimately be defeated - also as prophesied in Revelations - by “he who sits on a white horse”, an avatar of the soon-to-be risen Christ. The beast will be “cast into a fiery lake” (possibly the “lago” in Mar-a-Lago) and vanquished forever. Christians For Jesus advocates that upon Christ’s return the Savior should immediately be made “POTUS Forever”. This will transmogrify Christ from “he who sits on a white horse” into “he who sits in the White House”, from where he will rule all the world forever in the name of God and the USA.

Littlechicken concluded his remarks by saying that while he will feel sorry about the hideous suffering visited upon all peoples, he just loves it that Trump’s election portends the Second Coming and the restoration of “good Christian American values” as the backbone of our national life.

Trump responded late in the day with a Tweet, “stoopy-poopy doo-doo head lyin’ Milo hate stoopid him badsadsick unbelievable stinks”.